scattered

I feel like I don't remember the majority of my childhood- is this normal? 

My husband talks about his childhood all the time- it astounds me, the memories he holds so dear in his mind- he can recall everything so clearly and definitively that it feels like I'm right there with him. 

But me? 

It's so hard for me to call anything back. I get little flashes of pictures- little movie moments out of context- in my head, there's film grain and tiny imperfections and holes all over the image because- fuck- I can't remember anything. 

I read somewhere that this could possibly be a symptom for ADHD which, spoiler alert: I've just been diagnosed with. 

I mean I've always kind of known that I'm wired a bit differently from other folks- I was always the first to get a little too excited, I constantly got lost in my daydreams, and for some reason, no matter how hard I tried, I could never finish anything to the degree that I wanted it to. 

For far too long I've been frustrated with myself for not meeting my own standards- and it's absolutely for lack of trying. For some reason, regardless of knowing that working hard and putting my nose to the grindstone is the answer- I still, time and time again, would put things off. 

i'm so scattered that typing is the only thing that can catch up with my thoughts. 

So to say that I wasn't relieved to find out I had ADHD is a huge shock to me- I mean I was expecting it, I definitely meet the criteria for it- so why did getting diagnosed officially hit me like a tonne of bricks? 

Could it be possible that I've been hindered for most of my life- that I am actually, truly capable of so much more than coasting and I've just never realized it? 

There's a flurry of emotions in my head and I don't know how to feel about it.